OK, here is my thought process stay with me for just a minute. The other day someone in Utah died, an actor. There was a lot of press. A few weeks ago there was a 'Rock' star that had a 'close call' with a brain bleed and he is getting a lot and I mean A L O T of press. If I died, someone would read the obituary and say 'oh that's too bad' pass the potatoes, please don't take this wrong I do not say this to evoke a pitty party, for me - it is truth. People are busy and they would pause take a breath maybe even bring my kids some nice dinners but then they have to go back on to life. I want to share something here and I have chosen this forum because I feel like rather than writing a book I can put myself out to the world people can read, or not, but this is just me, the whole, real ME. I have almost died twice, I have had the whole 'near' death experience and everything does it change my life? Sadly not forever because we must live and live richly. By that I mean that we must not live in fear, I believe that fear will hold one back. I have been in intensive care with problems related to my MS and at night when you hear the nurses and the machines and life creaps into my head and I think about my children, my parents, my loved ones, I wonder what was the last thing that I said to them? Have I done enough? Have you done enough? Now I never want people to read this and feel guilt release that like a balloon going up into the air, in fact, pick your favorite color, really imagine that. Back to the what would you do if you were dying? Funny thing I am the one with MS, I am the one that has lived through these experiences and I still get frustrated with my kids. I guess the message that I want to share is that What if . . . you knew that you were dying? I do know I am dying...newsflash...you are too. We are born to die. So my motto still stands, LOVE YOUR KIDS, LOVE YOUR GOD, AND LOVE EACH OTHER! Life - live it.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
What If . . . you think your losing your mind?
Sooo, let me just say after my incredibly heavy entry last time I wanted to keep it a little lighter this time. I have been thinking about my life lately and I wonder if any of you think like I do? I am 43 and I sometimes think I am well slipping - one could say in many areas :). (the body is not the same as it was in my twenties, my energy is certainly not what it was, my home is thank goodness the same as it was when I was 20, but this issue is well What if? Are any of you losing your mind? For instance do you walk into a room and wonder why you are there? Do you set your keys down and wonder if you ever had keys? Even if you have one drawer that they always go to? And when it comes to paying bills wellllll I could right a book about this issue - I used to be so neurotic they were mailed out 3 to 5 days ahead of when they were due ALWAYS! Now that I think I am losing my mind (let me know if you find it somewhere?) I am not sure that I even have bills? I am 90 percent certain that I have set up 80 percent of my bills on auto pay and yet they continue to say that they are due? Really I am losing my mind or I have lost my mind! I have a somewhat organized filing system and so I can pull the file to see if I did pay the said bill and yet I cannot fully read the bill to understand what the Hell it means, really does the cell phone company need 15 pages of crap to tell me what I owe them? I think they do it just so that we will give in and pay them, it is clearly working. Here I sit late on a Sunday night trying to plan out my week and yet, there is . . . nothing . . . that comes to mind and if I wait for just a few moments . . . a lot comes flooding to my mind that I have to do. I may be going on the 13th week of being in my home re-learning to walk and not driving my own car, watching my 16 year old daughter drive off in it. (can one tell that I have issues?) But I try to plan my day and keep busy - that is how I do not lose my mind, yet because I am losing my mind it can take a wee bit of time to plan my day . . . how about you?
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